The one about starting something new...

Yeah I trust in You
I remember times You led me
This time it's bigger now
And I'm afraid You'll let me down

What is this doubt in me
Convincing me to fear the unknown
When all along You've shown
Your plans are better than my own

But how can I be certain?
Will You prove Yourself again?

'Cause I'm about to let go
And live what I believe
I can't do a thing now
But trust that You'll catch me
When I let go
When I let go

And I know I won't make it
If I do this all alone

Ok, ok. First entry, and I have to start with the lyrics of a song by BarlowGirl. The words exactly express the feelings of my heart over the last several months as I have had to let go of the reigns of my life, letting God take over. We must learn this throughout our Christian lives, I know. But the wrestling seems to get more intense as the deepest parts of us are unveiled. There will be more on this subject, as it relates to these lyrics, but for now...

The music for the song is quite driven, really upbeat - which is fitting for the speed at which things have changed for me. Sometimes the events God brings into our lives seems to go along like a ballad - a slow, sometimes heart-wrenching fashion. Other times, it's like a specific period of God breaking us and molding our lives is abruptly, amazingly complete. It feels like a rush... of emotion, of events, of elation. That's where I am, and I am grateful!

So much history begs to be told, but I could never fit it all in, and probably shouldn't. Suffice to say, I have been a single mom for 8.5 of the 9.5 years my son, Collin, has been alive. His father has been absent for the 8.5. I prayed God would remove him from Collin's life, because I got saved when Collin was 9-months old, and his father, well, didn't. And never has. So, being unmarried at the time, I gave my life to the Lord and did the right thing... I moved on with my life, and he moved on with his. What an answer to prayer!

You know, we had not been in contact with one another for over 6 years, until recently. Yet for reasons known to me, the Lord, and those closest to me, Collin and I needed closure. So, due to circumstances only God could orchestrate, on May 30, 2008, a judge passed an order effectively making me Collin's only legal parent. For a mom who needs to make decisions regarding the care/custody of her child in the event something should happen to her, this is a BIG deal! The issue has been a concern of mine for almost ten years, and God has taken care of it in the blink of an eye! Even now, I am overwhelmed by the fact that God did this BECAUSE HE LOVES US, and knows what is best for Collin... much more than I do. It's been an awesome experience seeing God in control of the whole situation!

I know... what a heavy-hitter for a first blog! Well, let me tell ya - this is life as I know it. This is how God works in my life, and in the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ. He quiets us with His love when He relieves the burdens in our lives. It is nothing to be quiet about... hmmm, more BarlowGirl lyrics are coming to mind, "how can we be silent?"

If one's life is only a happy-go-lucky, sugar-coated reality of hell, prosperity mumbo-jumbo, nothing-ever-goes-wrong, rose-colored glasses, my-God-wouldn't-do-that kind of Christianity there is a big problem (hint: God ain't the problem).

God sends the storms, He purposes the pain, and He redeems from wretchedness those who are His children. I am thankful for all God has had to do in me and to me, because I know he is making me into something I could never be otherwise. And if I don't share it... I am not giving Him the glory that is His alone.

Whew! Done! The first one and it's only 3:00 a.m. YIKES!

Well, take note. Now that I have started this blog-thingy (with Bethany's help), I just may have to stick with it, because God is on the move and it's too good to keep to myself.