Life As I Know It...

The one about Beautiful Ending...

2009-08-05T16:11:00.004-04:00

Ok. If I can't find the time or interest to update my blog, I can at least post some awesome things one in a while! I C A N N O T wait for BarlowGirl's new CD... coming out 9/22!

Here's the video to a track off of the new album - Beautiful Ending:

The one about a mom's answered prayer...

2009-03-19T23:40:00.008-04:00

Isn't is great when something happens and you just know it is something God has done... an answered prayer, or unexpected blessing? I love it!

On March 5th, Collin came downstairs after doing a Bible lesson. He was in tears, barely able to speak. At first, I thought something was wrong, but actually, something was very right! He told me that he had prayed for Jesus to save him! Those words are the most precious for a mother. None can compare! They are etched in my memory forever!

I marvelled at the understanding of this 10-year old son of mine! I can't even begin to express the emotional and spiritual clarity with which Collin described his confession and repentance of sin, and profession of faith. His fear of Hell and hope of eternity in Heaven were strongly felt.

As Collin neared his 10th birthday, and more fervently after, I prayed earnestly for God to knock very loudly on his heart's door, but I was determined, despite my personality, not to push it on him. Praise God, I didn't even have to be present! The wonderful truth is that Collin felt compelled by the Word of God, not an overbearing or desperate mother.

For as long as I can remember, I've imagined from living with Collin day-in and day-out that he would be around 10-years-old when he'd be appropriately aware of what giving one's life to the Lord requires. And because he's spent that last four years with me working at Victory Home, he has seen first-hand the effects of half-hearted and whole-hearted decisions for Christ. He has found, with us adults, that Heaven and Hell really do hang in the balance for every person that walks through our doors. We've seen guys leave... and die. He knows getting saved is not just something you do or say... it is who you are, how you live, why you exist. And he knows this, not because of anything I have done right as a parent, but because Jesus died for him, and God loves him and prepared his heart to understand that there are only two choices in this life: one leads to death, and the other to life.

Only time will tell of the condition of Collin's heart. For now, I know that my conversation with him that night was about as genuine as it can get. Children can be dramatic, and sometimes I think my boy should be in front of a camera, but about serious things he is just that... serious.

Just last night, he asked me whether I noticed any changes in him. I was able to list a few, but told him that most of his would be on the inside, as conforming outwardly for disciplined children is rather easy. He replied that he realized he sinned more than he thought on any given day, and had to pray for forgiveness much more than before. I told him that it is one of the wonderful gifts of the Holy Spirit... growing increasingly aware of what we do that offends God, and wanting to make it right.

God is at work in my not-so-little boy's life, and I can't thank Him enough!

The one about SOMEDAY doing an actual blog entry...

2009-03-13T18:42:00.003-04:00

I just don't have the time to do a blog entry now... though I have plenty of stuff that pops into my head, day in and day out, that I would like to write about, but...

Came across this video. Undoubtedly, any person into contemporary Christian music will know the song, and probably have already seen the video. But I wanted to post it for myself, if for no one else. BarlowGirl rocks!

The one about the "hope" of our new president...

2009-01-24T16:05:00.005-05:00

I have decided I am not going to refer to Barack Obama as President. I am going to call him by his given name because it says so much more. Anyway, I am trying my hardest to follow nothing more than the economic bailout decisions of Obama... but I came across a very sobering entry at Gateway Pundit. Click here.

Seems as though the our economic crisis is not so bad as to stop short of murder!

The one about my 10-year-old driver!

2009-01-01T23:35:00.000-05:00

Okay. Not exactly, but I will get to that.

I see it has been almost two months since last I blogged, and that's ok. Well, except for the fact that there have been so many things to blog about, it being the holidays and all, and not enough time to blog about them... it being the holidays and all.

Anyway, on December 13th my most favorite person in the world turned 10! I can barely believe the happiest decade of my life have flown by so quickly... but it has, and I have a tall, handsome, 10-year-old son to prove it. Oh, there are so many pictures, and funny stories, and hilarious video (thanks Beth!) of Collin's birthday that beg to be blogged about and posted if only I had the time. It was a wonderdul day... and the boy is up to his neck in Legos. I'd like to revisit the celebration some point soon. I also hope to do a little stroll down memory lane celebrating all that is my most cherished relation (those cute baby and toddler photos beckon)!

Additionally, Christmas was wonderful. I, too, had a great brithday despite the fact that I didn't feel very well. Collin surprised me with very thoughtful Christmas and birthday gifts I couldn't have anticipated (I correctly guessed at only one). God has placed in him a talent for being attentive to the likes and individuality of those around him! If Jesus tarries, a wife will treasure that about him!

Now, as to the title of this blog I must say, no, I haven't let Collin drive my car (or anyone else's car for the matter)! However, I think it right to assume that he may be ready. You see, one of the guys in Victory Home's apprenticeship program recently went to reinstate his driver's license. He failed the driver's test miserably. Then he went back, passed the test, and has had the privilege of driving restored. Paul E. (a co-worker and friend) is also looking to reinstate his license, so he visited the online driver's test for preparation. He and Jeremy (a co-worker and friend), who rightly believe Collin to be a very bright child (I am his mother, I can say that), thought it would be a hoot to have him take the test, too... though, they weren't expecting the results! Both Jeremy and Paul came to my office to exclaim, "Collin took the same test (the VH guy) failed and got them all right!" Now I don't know which I should be more concerned about... a driver certification test that is so easy my 10-year-old can pass, or sharing the road with a near-40-year-old driver who failed the same test the first time!

The one about the VH T.V. spot...

2008-11-12T14:31:00.002-05:00

Pastor Mike appeared on WVEC's (Channel 13) 12:00 news show. Here is the video:

Good stuff!

The one about seeing God at work...

2008-11-07T23:11:00.007-05:00

This week, needless to say, a lot has happened. An overwhelming majority of our nation voted in the most inexperienced, smooth-talking, flip-flopping, empty-promise-slinging liberal (seems those characteristics go together) for president. I have to stop here... or this blog entry would never end.

But, beyond that, and much more exciting, is the privilege I have had (with the rest of Victory Home's staff) of watching God seemlessly pull everything together for our upcoming banquet on November 18th.

This year is our fourth banquet. We have never had so many table sponsors (21.5 tables paid for!), so many table hosts (14 at last count), and so many high caliber auction items donated (32 so far)! It has just been amazing. And it's not like the Lord has been doing this just the past week... of course, He works like this all the time. However, working in ministry, one often gets used to "everyday" miracles and keeps on pluggin' away.

Our finances are stretched at Victory Home, to say the least. At times, the strain is more noticeable than others, but we continue to trust our Provider for all we need. He is faithful, and I've been reminded of this in a BIG way in the weeks leading up to our banquet.

There are many other thrilling things God is doing...and the list is longer than the time I have to record it all. Relative to fundraising, also, is the answered prayer for more car washes at a set venue. The Autozone around the corner from us lets us hold car washes regularly in their parking lot, and today I heard Emmitt (a VH client, and car wash king!) talking about two gas stations that set dates for us to use their property, too. It's awesome!

I read Oswald Chambers' during devotions every day (almost). This week, and last, so many of the daily readings hit the nail on the head, so to speak. This is an excerpt from last week:

We tend to forget that the one great reason underneath all missionary work is not primarily the elevation of the people, their education, nor their needs, but is first and foremost the command of Jesus Christ— "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations . . ." (Matthew 28:19).

When looking back on the lives of men and women of God, the tendency is to say, "What wonderfully keen and intelligent wisdom they had, and how perfectly they understood all that God wanted!" But the keen and intelligent mind behind them was the mind of God, not human wisdom at all. We give credit to human wisdom when we should give credit to the divine guidance of God being exhibited through childlike people who were "foolish" enough to trust God’s wisdom and His supernatural equipment.

I am grateful that, though we are tested, the family of Victory Home is "foolish" enough to trust God's wisdom and His supernatural equipment!

The one about Collin and the election...

2008-10-29T00:12:00.005-04:00

Surely by this time next week Americans will be glued to their TVs, radios, or smart phones, waiting for our newest president to be announced.

Personally, I have this sinking feeling, and it's based on nothing more than the fact that our country is overrun with already-socialist-minded morons who believe they shouldn't have to work hard for their own house, job, car, health care, food supply and good credit! It's enough to make me want to scream.

Well, come to think of it, there is another reason I have a sinking feeling... we are thoroughly warned in scripture what to expect when individuals and nations turn away from the Living God (from start to finish the Bible is full of warnings, but prophetic books in the Old Testament like Isaiah, Jeremiah and Ezekiel express the most vivid imagery). Though neither candidate is ideal, if the democratic nominee wins, the USA will be getting more of what it deserves.

Collin has been by my side during the entire election process. He has watched all of the debates, and attended the McCain-Palin rally in Virginia Beach. It has been a learing experience for teacher and student! He can pick out when someone is skirting an issue, when someone is confident in their platform, why eye contact is important and what a lack thereof usually indicates. Electoral votes, the stock market, Democrat, Republican, Iran, Russia, cold war, recession, government-run health care... Collin's vocabulary "extra credit."

While all of it counts for something in "homeschooling," I know there's a good chance that Collin will forget a good portion by the next election. So what is most important? After the election dust settles, my job as a God-fearing parent is to be certain my child knows why voting matters, and what matters when voting. Christians MUST vote on the issues... the moral issues. Not race, or service, or experience (oh, but experience does matter), or eloquence, or preference. Preserving the sanctity of human life and God-ordained marriage - these are of concern to the Creator's heart. Should they not be what concern us? There are no other morality issues being discussed on the campaign trails.

So, tonight when my son presented the question, "Is there a good chance Obama will win?" I had to answer, "Yes." And though some would think Collin's 9-year-old reply to be uncomfortably straightforward, I am thankful that he is attuned to the moral implications of having a man like Obama for president. Collin's reply? Simply this: "I guess that means there will be less children to play with, and more gay people walking around." Yep, son. Strip away the hype and that's what you get.

The one about/against the liberal left...

2008-10-20T13:09:00.003-04:00

I received this in a forwarded email, and simply couldn't resist...

This video is 9-minutes long, but it has some of the funniest, truthful analogies I've heard. The guy talks fast, and he uses a handful of modern, pop-culture references/lingo. I had to verify that the names he mentioned near the beginning are current rap stars (for those who, like me, don't follow this stuff). Some may be uncomfortable watching it, but it is refreshing to have actual proof that some of those the leftist media and liberal democrats are trying to brainwash refuse to be deaf, dumb and blind to their lies.

I recommend the Republican party spend some of it's money to get this on prime-time television... (not that I am delusional enough to think anyone cares about my recommedations)

The one about HRHS (huh?)...

2008-10-04T21:33:00.013-04:00

I read an interesting blog on a site for moms the other day (don't remember the site). It is something I needed to read. You see, I am not compelled to blog every day, or every other day, or every other week. Some days the only thing I want to do is come home and not look at a computer screen. And that is ok.

What I read was essentially this: If you are going to blog, it should be because you want to... and you want to for YOU. It is a journal, and there should be no pressure to journal. For a person who analyzes why she does and doesn't do things... like me... it was a relief. So. No more apologizing. I haven't blogged in almost a month... and that's that.

Moving on... LOL.

I am really excited that Collin was able to join a homeschool sports team. HRHS (Hampton Roads Homeschool Sports) has been around for a while, but has really grown in the last three years from what I am told. The first day of the season when we all met coaches and teams... I was amazed! I had never seen so many homeschooled kids in my life! It was a wonderful thing.

Collin and I are quite introverted in that we do really well keeping to ourselves. We love our church/ministry/biological families, but our ties stop with them. We don't shun other relationships, but we don't seek them out. Collin and I naturally keep to ourselves wherever we go. We did so especially for the four years Collin played in a local chaper of a national soccer organization. As much as we interacted with those kids, and their families, for those four years, we maintain only one connection, and that by scant emails. Mr. Chuck is a senior adult that adopted his granddaughter after her mother died. Once at a game, he hit it off with Collin's grandpa (my dad) and we were automatic friends! Below are photos of Collin playing soccer in 2005 through 2007, ages 6, 7 and 8:

Even with homeschooling families, we seem to be the odd-family-out. I can't completely understand the reasons why, but was comforted to know that others in my small circle of friends often experience the same thing. Without being able to fully explain, and without a sense of superiority, I conjecture that we somehow exude inner convictions of no-nonsense. I know... anyone can undoubtedly assume that is a prideful statement, but it's truly not intended that way.

Today, though, things were a little bit different. Seemingly, as Collin is relating to kids (his age) that have far more in common with him than any he has ever met, he is doing really well on the soccer field. Experience didn't help him when he was in the other league; he was timid, self-doubting, disconnected. Now, however, it seems like he has a comfort level he's never sensed. It is something I can see with my eyes, and my heart, but is difficult to put into words. Homeschooling kids/moms will likely understand better what I am saying. :)

I don't anticipate that I will walk away from this cool, unique league with any more connections than I did with the other league. Since our lives consist mostly of ministry and church, I can confidently say I am just fine with that. However, for Collin, I am very thankful. Over the years, though infrequently, he has mentioned having friends that understand him. He has prayed for a homeschooled kid to move to our block. And though he's done so infrequently, the desire exists. Here are Collin's recent soccer photos:

Even if none of Collin's teammates ever come for a sleepover, God has given him a chance to simply be himself around other kids without the world's twisted misconception of homeschooling. It is truly an answer to prayer for Collin... and his mom!

The one about being tagged...

2008-09-09T23:11:00.007-04:00

Ok. I have been tagged once or twice over the years, but usually from people I don't keep regular contact with. The tags seemed suspect so I didn't look any further than the subject line of the email...

Since I started blogging I've heard more about it, and since Bethany invited the first person to comment on her most recent "tagged" blog to consider herself "tagged." Anyway, there is a first time for everything. Here goes...

1. Spell your name how it sounds. Meh-lis-ah.

2. Are you available? Depends on what one mean’s by that.

3. What's your favorite number? Seriously?

4. Favorite color? Brown.

5. Least favorite color? Yellow.

6. What are you listening to? Steven Curtis Chapman (Bethany's Artist of the Week). The first Christian artist I saw in concert... still one of the best!

7. Have you ever wanted to be a fire fighter? I think so, when I was a lot younger.

~~THE DO SECTION~~

8. Do you believe in God? Absolutely, yes!

9. Do you know how to swim? Yes.

10. Do you like roller coasters? Yes, but as I get older I grow more weary of them.

~~THE DOES SECTION~~

11. Does your room contain a desk? Yes.

12. Does your family have family picnics? Umm, does eating on the grass outside of a Subway because it’s too cold inside count?

13. Does your house have a bookcase in it? Yes, two.

~~THE HAVE SECTION~~

14. Have you ever been to Canada? No.

15. Have you ever gone fishing? Yes. Thankfully, it has been a long time.

16. Have you ever seen a celebrity? Yes, several music artists. (I’ve been to over 50 concerts in my short life. Thankfully the last 20 or so have been only Christian celebrities).

17. Have you ever been on a motorcycle? Yes, and I loved it! Though I believe them to be frivolous purchases.

~~THE HOW SECTION~~

18. How much money do you have on you right now? About $28.

19. How many cars have you owned? Four.

20. How many jobs have you had? Shamefully, 17.

21. How tall are you? 5 feet, 5 1/2 inches.

~~THE LAST SECTION~~

22. Last person to call you? Jeremy.

23. Last thing you yelled out loud? Collin, don’t laugh so loud! Pastor is still doing discipleship!

24. Last person you were in a car with? Collin.

25. Last time you ate at McDonalds? July 12th, heading home from Kingsfest. I try to eat there as little as possible.

26. Last thing you had for dinner? Subway’s Oven-Roasted Chicken Breast sub.

27. The last thing you bought? Dinner.

28. Last person you saw? Collin, as I tucked him in for the night!

29. Last time you cried? Last night.

30. Last time you laughed? Earlier tonight while I was showing some guys at Victory Home the BBQ Song video on YouTube! (You must watch it!)

~~THE WHAT SECTION~~

31. What is the temperature outside? 76 degrees.

32. What time did you wake up? 9am. I was woken up by someone ringing my doorbell at 6:30 this morning! It took me a long time to get back to sleep, so I slept in…

~~THE RANDOM SECTION~~

44. Do you have a best friend? That’s up in the air at the moment.

45. What goes best with a soft drink? Duh? Pizza.

46. What did you do two nights ago? Went to church.

49. Is your birthday coming up? Yes. December 30th. I will be 31… yikes!

53. Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning? In bed asleep.

59. What was the first thing you thought this morning? Man, I am tired. I am gonna kill those guys for ringing my doorbell.

60. What are your plans for this week? Work. Go to church. Take Collin to the first practice of soccer season. Make it to the YMCA two more times. Sleep.

64. Coke or Pepsi? Really, what kind of question is that? COKE!

66. What do you dislike at the moment? Losing my hair.

67. What did you dream about last night? I rarely remember dreams.

68. What's the last TV show you watched? Deal or No Deal.

69. What is your favorite piece of jewelry? That’s hard to say. I have a number of pieces from my dad, and my mom, collected since I was a teenager.

70. Name 1 person on your Top Friends who is the most like you. We are all quite different!

72. Are you on any medication? Yes.

73. Have you ever cut your own hair? Yes.

74. What is your favorite frozen treat? Butter pecan ice cream.

75. How many piercings/tattoos do you have? 3 ear-piercings. NO TATTOOS.

76. Where's your favorite place to be? On my white sofa.

77. Is there someone you haven't seen in a while and miss? Absolutely. My dad.

79. Do you care what people think about you? Not usually… but I am learning when it matters.

80. Last new person you met? I don’t remember.

82. Last person to tell you they love you? My son, Collin.

84. Last person to make you cry? Collin, through no fault of his own, telling me a sweet story about my dad/his papa.

85. Who can you tell anything to? God. My mom (even though we are soooooo different and distant, I know I can tell her absolutely anything).

86. What are you doing today? It is nighttime. I am getting ready to go to bed.

87. Do you have a crush? How honest are you supposed to be with these things? LOL.

89. Do you like ketchup? Yes.

90. Will you be in a relationship 3 months from now? At this point, only God knows...

91. What color is your pillow case? White. I like white bed linens.

92. Do you wear a bikini during swimming in school? No school for me, thanks.

93. Have you ever been to California or Chicago? Neither, but I’ve been to Illinois.

97. What is your favorite fruit? A plum. Yummy!

98. What do you want to do today? Today is now tonight.

99. Are you cold? Usually, yes.

100. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call or text you and they don’t’? Not really, unless it is work related. Most of the time, I’m glad for peace and quiet.

Well, that was kind-of fun!

The one about Melanie's 2nd contest...

2008-09-09T01:06:00.005-04:00

I won! I won! Ooh, and I get some cool things!

Melanie came up with another cool contest: The person who could think up a cool alias for her daughter (and my friend, Bethany) would win some chocolate, a cool and unusual book, and some smelly-good lotion!

Go to Melanie's blog, Tripping Along the Narrow Road, to read all of the neat entries and to watch for yourself why "Flutterbug" fits Bethany so well!

The one about Collin and his Papa...

2008-09-08T23:51:00.010-04:00

So I won't forget... I want to record, here in my blog, a memory of my dad that Collin shared with me earlier while we were eating dinner.

I don't know what made Collin think of this particular moment with my dad/his papa:

Mommy, do you remember that time I spent the night over Mamaw's and Papa's house, when Papa was too sick to go outside because of the weather so we put up my tent in the living room?

Sort-of...

Papa had his catheter and everything (my dad was very ill with prostrate cancer), but he got on the floor and slept with me in the tent on the hard floor.

He did?

Yep. And you know what he told me?

No, son. What did he tell you?

He told me not to tell Mamaw, but he was the one with the advantage that night, not Mamaw (for having the bed to herself - Dad always had a hard time sleeping/staying still). He said that he hadn't had good rest in a long time... and he would now because he was sleeping with me.

Son, our Papa was one of the sweetest men this world has ever, or will ever, see! You know that?

Yep. I do. That is why so many people miss him.

Yes, my dear boy... yes, it is.

Dad, my heart aches just picturing you so selflessly laying on that hard floor next to the apple of your eye... for what would undoubtedly be a sleepless night for you! I realize now, more than ever, that you taught me some of life's most valuable lessons without speaking one word. You are teaching me still. I... we miss you so much.

The one about a tree...

2008-09-06T21:39:00.019-04:00

Thank God hurricane season most often misses us! At weather.com I learned that our region hasn't been hit by a MAJOR hurricane in 169 years (if I remember correctly). Of course, we have had tropical storms hit us, and the outskirts of a hurricane. Just nothing catastrophic! Whew!

I had a strong feeling that Hanna wasn't going to be at all what she was being made out to be. For Hampton Roads, anway. And as she neared, the warnings lessened in severity. That didn't keep mobs from emptying WalMart's shelves, though. LOL.

Every strong wind that blows this way makes me pray about the dead tree in the yard of the neighbor behind me. It has a large trunk, is wrapped completely in ivy, and shoots out in two directions at it's middle... and it leans against the fence that separates our yards. It leans ONLY toward my house. No other direction.

I can count on strong gusts blowing several small to medium sized branches into my yard... toward my patio and sliding-glass back door. I have asked the nieghbor to the left several times to help me throw a chain around that tree, hook it to his truck, and put the pedal-to-the-medal. He is from the "real" south and loves any chance to shoot his guns, ride his motorcycle, wear his bandana... and make use of his truck! Despite many promises, though, the tree was left standing (leaning, rather).

Today, as Hanna lightly blew over our area, God was working a tiny storm in my backyard! And answering prayer! Collin came running upstairs, "Mom, mom. Stuff is falling in our yard!" I ran to see the tallest arm of the tree laying in the middle of the yard... measuring about nine feet long. It is about two feet from my patio. Praise God! If it has broken further down the trunk, istead of in the middle, it would have hit my house, broken my glass door.

As God had it, guys from Victory Home were working in the townhouse next door, and they came to the rescue. Picking up the branches that were sticking straight out of the ground, and all over the lawn. An hour later, our friend, Paul, arrives with a saw, and they start cutting it down for bulk trash pick-up.

Wouldn't you know... it gets better? The other arm of the tree - the one shooting up toward the east - is still there, and swaying more than before. Paul and I are discussing what to do about it... I want them to attempt the plan hatched with my neighbor because I know that any gust could send that thing right into my home. As we are reasoning it out... a long, strong wind blows through... and knocks the remaining top half of the tree to the ground, parallel to the fence. Martin (a VH client) barely gets out of the way!

It was something to behold. God knows that tree has been a concern of mine since I moved to this house three years ago. Every windy storm gave me pause. If the tree were to fall down from the roots, there was no doubt it would hit my house. Not only did God bring down the tree by a storm that didn't pose any real danger, but he had it happen when I already had friends around to help, and he kept off the rain so they could spend two hours cleaning up the mess! And the coolest answer to prayer... no damage was done to my home!

Today, God made it really easy to praise Him in the storm!

The one about being tested...

2008-09-02T00:32:00.005-04:00

If you read my blog entry yesterday, you won't be surprised that I was tested today. When the Lord deals with us about something, and we tell Him we are going to let Him have it, usually, we don't get too far without a little test.

Today is how "far" I got. God pulls no punches.

Letting go IS NOT easy. Often, your natural, sinful self gets in the way. For me, that is usually the case. However, there are exceptions. By exceptions, I mean someone else... someone who seems determined to KEEP you from letting go! LOL. Thankfully, God is faithful. Oh yeah... and "that person" (whoever it is, and in whatever circumstance)... well, God put he/she there just for the purpose of seeing whose understanding you are going to lean on.

Today, I almost fell over while leaning on my own understanding. However, because God is serious about the commitment I made to Him, He provided me with a gentle reminder (and much needed humor) from a good friend, 800mg of ibuprofen, and the good sense to quickly lean the other way.

This evening, as I was praying about the events of the day, the thought of God hemming me in brought comfort... and these words... which turned into a song in my heart:

You see
You see who I am and what I've done
Though You've never turned away...
Stirred my heart, I wanna stay
In Your arms

You know
You know why I'm driven to my knees
Lord, my days are in Your sight...
None to fear, there's only light
In Your arms

You hear
You hear every cry of this child's heart
I've no reason to despair...
Letting go... I cast my cares
In Your arms

In Your arms
There is meaning, there is grace
There is strength to run the race
I was made for this embrace
In Your arms

Because of today's test, I have hope for tomorrow. More than yesterday.

The one about not letting go... it's bad!

2008-09-01T00:30:00.006-04:00

You know I wanted to blog about some awesome things God had been doing… but I felt convicted, and this is what happened instead.

It seems as though I have been in a spiritual slump, lately. And slump is the word I use so it doesn’t sound so bad, or so it doesn’t sound self-inflicted.

Most of us have heard in a sermon, or read in the Bible, the account of the Ephesian church in the Book of Revelation having lost their first love:

2 I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3 You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.

I shutter to read it. For all the passage does say, there is so much it doesn’t say, like how they can be doing so many other things spot-on, yet fall to such an embarrassing place. I think, very possibly, the reason God doesn’t spell out the “how” is because no one needs to be told. We already know. I already know, and yet I ignore the slow fade.

We have so much zeal when we first get saved… but we lack knowledge (there’s a reason God warns us about that). Then, as we mature spiritually and walk with the Lord for a good while, we gain knowledge, but there goes zeal out the window.

I see this in my own life, and I hate it. What is it? Laziness, apathy, discouragement, being willfully distracted by the busyness of life? It is all of these things. But before I latch on to one of these convenient excuses, the Holy Spirit (thank God!) whispers (or yells), “You know the problem, Melissa.”

The default for us humans is to love ourselves, and I am no different. God gets relegated to some obscure place in our lives when we take our eyes off of him and focus them on ourselves, our circumstances, or others. When the Father gets any place other than FIRST, we get every thing other than fellowship. Without fellowship, contentment goes out the window with zeal. How can I know this, yet persist for more than a minute? Again… no one needs to tell me. I already know.

I thank God He saved me. There are so many times He could have easily said, “That’s it, Melissa.” But He doesn’t. He loves me… and I will never understand it. He pours out His grace when His Holy Spirit speaks to us so personally, so clearly that we don’t want to stay the same. We don’t want to make excuses.

I work in ministry, and there is a particular situation that I have struggled with for a bit. The disturbed-enough-to-spit-nails kind-of struggle. You know the verse in Revelation earlier? Verse 2? I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false? That’s the struggle. Oh, I was all over this verse. Yep, that's me. Don't wanna tolerate wicked men who seem to be hanging around for all of the wrong reasons. How can I be part of a ministry to reach men that are lost, and not tolerate them? Or how can I hope for the Gospel to finally penetrate the heart of one who has carried Jesus’ name in complete falsehood?

The answer is simple… I can’t unless I keep my first love. And, unless I can count myself out of the “wicked” category, I better just rest awhile on thoughts of God’s mercy in my life. I know I am saved, but like the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 7 - I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.

In ministry, we must discern truth from a lie, separate takers from givers, tell wolves from sheep (straight jacket, anyone?). Yet none of these are the most important. The most important thing is bringing glory to God, living rightly before Him so others will see and want the same. It is hard for me to balance these things. I can’t do it... God has to. I have failed miserably the last 10 days, or so, letting go of what I can’t do. The choice is mine... think I'll loosen my grip!

The one about catching up (2)...

2008-08-27T23:56:00.005-04:00

I know, I know. It has been well over a month since I blogged last. So much has happened... fun things, ministry things, church things, family things, hard things, finally-this-is-coming-to-an-end things. So much, in fact, that I feel as though I have completely failed my readers (all 3 or 4 of you). Thankfully, my readers are those close to me so not much is lost.

Nonetheless, what I would like to do is revisit and re-cap, a little. Perhaps I am kidding myself... but it is worth a try, even if it's for no other reason than preserving the memories.

I got a week off in July. My beloved son and I spent the first three days just hanging out. We went to the water park, went to the movies! I have one of those kids a parent never needs an excuse to be away from! God gave me so much more than I deserve when He saved me... ditto when He gave me Collin (I love you, bubba)!

Bethany and I went away for the next three days. We attended Kingsfest at Kings Dominion! If you've never been... go! And if you profess to be a born-again Jesus-lover, yet you still fill your head, heart and time with secular music... well, there is a lot I could say that would send probably 80% of today's church-goers into a tantrum. THERE IS NO EXCUSE for "Christians" to listen to worldly music. God has gifted us with lots of great music that glorifies Him. At Kingsfest, Beth and I saw three of my top five Christian artists in a matter of hours: BarlowGirl, Casting Crowns, Newsboys. It doesn't get much better than that, folks.

One of those days, we ventured to Washington, DC to mark off some remaining items on a checklist from a previous trip four years earlier. I am still waiting on the photos from our trip (hint, hint). Some of them MUST be shared! I had a great time.

Did I mention we stayed at the Hilton for three nights, too? Supposedly, the mattresses in the hotel are so nice they accomplish in six hours of sleep what a regular mattress does in eight. According to my chiropractor, I did such a smashing job aggravating my already "sensitive" neck and spine at the water park with Collin earlier in the week that it's no wonder those superior mattresses had no effect on me!

Oh, by the way, Bethany rode her first roller coaster! It was quite an event. I think she'll agree that she shut her eyes as hard as I laughed... the whole time! I don't know what came over me... I don't know what came over her. It was great!

Well, that's that, I guess. I need to go to bed. I hope to set aside some time to blog this week, or next, about some cool God-sized things. For now, I'll share an excerpt from this morning's "My Utmost for His Highest" devotion. It so perfectly addresses shaky theology in us as individuals, and just-as-perfectly confronts those who would make excuses for themselves, or their loved ones, when it comes to shaky professions of faith:

Continually bring the truth out into actuality; work it out in every domain, or the very light you have will prove a curse. The most difficult person to deal with is the one who has the smug satisfaction of an experience to which he can refer back, but who is not working it out in practical life. If you say you are sanctified, show it. The experience must be so genuine that it is shown in the life. Beware of any belief that makes you self-indulgent; it came from the pit, no matter how beautiful it sounds.

The one about "creative" clutter?

2008-06-29T17:12:00.013-04:00

In my last post, I mentioned a unique contest - the brainchild of my friend, Melanie. It is ingeniously called "The Creative Clutter Collector's Contest." I say ingenious because the word "creative" isn't your typical adjective for "clutter." Now, thanks to Melanie, all of us may feel guiltless about our accumulation of stuff!

Initially, I didn't consider myself much of a collector. Why? I don't like clutter, and I love getting rid of stuff. However, there are a few things I have an affinity for. And, whether by gifts I've received or thrift store bargains, I seem to have become somewhat of a collector... pretty much without noticing!

So... I decided I would use my newly discovered collections as the focus of this post. They're not very original, or unusual, or intriguing... but they are mine!

GIRAFFES!

A gift from a friend in Ethiopia.

A beautiful hand-carved candle!

A cuddly Christmas gift from Collin!

My first giraffe! I bought this in 2004, at an "old town" store along the Mississippi River in Illinois. My dad, Collin and I were visiting family. I don't think I could ever part with it!

A well-meaning relative went overboard one holiday season, and bought me a lot of giraffe stuff. My OCD kicks in when too many things accumulate, so this is one of five gifts I kept. I knew I had to keep at least one (shhh, don't tell anyone... LOL)!

I do not have a picture of my smallest giraffe. It is hand-carved and fits in the palm of your hand. I can't find it... but I'm sure either our cat, or our rabbit, knows where it is.

STARS (Until now, I'd never taken an inventory of my stars)!

And, uh, CATS...

Below, the first photo shows one of my stars, as well as two cats. My creative cat collection total is three (that may be enough)...

And, uh, COFFEE!

My love of coffee is no secret... but here is proof:

It is very important to get an up-close view of this one...

(Yes, of course, Starbucks!)

Well, this was fun! Thanks for idea, Mel. Though, now, I must get to some de-cluttering!

The one about Melanie's contest

2008-06-26T22:03:00.003-04:00

Hello everyone! Just a quick blog to let you all know about a very unique contest.

My friend, Melanie, has come up with her very own Creative Clutter Collectors Contest (see the link in the side bar).

So look around your home and/or office... or car (hey, some folks live out of those things)! Take a look at her blog, too. There you can get an idea of what she is looking for by viewing her "creative clutter." It's very cool, very Melanie!

HURRY! The deadline for entries is July 4th!

The one about catching up (1)

2008-06-18T23:33:00.008-04:00

Hello everyone, it has been more than a week since my last blog. It seems most of us these days can hardly find the time to get the recommended eight hours of sleep... much less spend an hour or two in front of a blog trying to craft an entry that will make readers laugh, cry or both. LOL. Oh, and BTW, if you are able to find that kind of time the likelihood is there is something you should be doing instead, but are not (don't get mad at me... I tell it like I "sees" it).

Anyway, as I was contemplating what to write about, and how I could wrap the last week's events into one nice little blog, a song came to mind. One Desire by Hillsong (see my Video Bar). I have had the privilege of singing this song a couple of times at church with Nancy - I love it. I guess when the busyness of the last eight, or so, days came flooding back to me... this song, lodged in my memory, returned to focus my attention on what's most important. Here are the simple, yet stirring lyrics:

One Desire
You gave it all for me
My soul desire, my everything
And all I am is devoted to You

How could I fail to see
You are the love that rescued me
And all I am is devoted to You

And oh, how could I not be moved
Lord here with You
So have Your way in me
‘Cause Lord, there is just one thing
That I will seek

This is my cry
My one desire
Is to be where You are, Lord
Now and forever
Its more than a song
My one desire
Is to be with You
Is to be with You, Jesus

And oh, how could I not be moved? That is a good question, is it not? Life has been crazy, schedules' are packed, time is flying, and the whole while God is working. For His children. If we are paying attention. It is so easy to NOT pay attention. Many things (often everything) crowd in and causes us to miss the Desire of our hearts. Thankfully, the last week, God has not allowed me to be unaware. I say this to no glory of my own. God has kept my attention... and it has been good.

For instance, Collin and I had our little cousin Danielle over all weekend. She is 2.5 years younger than Collin. They see each other about once every 2 months. For some reason, though Danielle has many other cousins, and a maternal grandma that spoils her to ruin, she favors Collin. They get along so well (like, hard-to-believe, well). This weekend, during a long car ride, they were coloring in the back seat. Mischievously, Danielle reached over and marked Collin's paper right as he was finishing a beautiful rendition of our neighbor's (Cyndi) cat, Callie. Collin was so heartbroken that he did something he rarely does; he responded in kind. Normally, Collin would get swift discipline, but realizing he hasn't had many opportunities to handle situations like this, I waited. I am glad I did.

A bit of bickering ensued, which I tamped, reminding the kids that they've never treated each other like this. There was only quiet for 15 minutes, and they kept their heads bowed. Stopping at the next exit, a sheet of notebook paper on their seat caught my eye. There I saw proof of God's work in Collin's heart! There was scribble between the two of them, but the final words were Collin's. He wrote... What I am trying to say is I love you... and I am sorry.

Even now, tears of awe fill my eyes. How could God love me enough to give me this child? Why would He bless me by working in my son's heart despite my innumerable failures as his mother? The answer is... love. I don't fully understand His love for me, but I understand that it has transformed me. Also, I understand that it is already transforming Collin, preparing him for the day that God knocks on the door of his heart to offer him the gift of salvation.

Some readers may think my excitement over this event is over the top. Unreasonable. Unnecessary. However, as a saved parent, these things are like banners that grab my attention. It is like God is proclaiming, "I am at work." I am so thankful for these times. My prayer is that one day Collin will echo these words: You are the love that rescued me. And all I am is devoted to You.
Of course, there were several other things God did during the last week. Here are a few:

We've been praying for a new home to rent for the influx of clients.
God answered.

We have been praying for Nancy & Paul to safely return home.
God answered.

I'd been praying that God would give my friend, Roxanna, the job she desired, by Monday.
God answered.

I've been praying for God to put homeowners, instead of renters, into the empty houses on our block.
God answered for two houses, and I'm still praying for the third one.

God is so good. I have learned that if we don't look for where God is at work, we'll miss it altogether. If He is truly my One Desire, I should have no trouble focusing on Him.

The one about cats eating mice...

2008-06-10T23:34:00.004-04:00

The last four days have been soooooooo HOT! Overwhelmingly HOT. Bethany and I were just talking about how lazy we feel... coming home and wanting to do nothing more than lounge around. I just spent over an hour watching Game 3 of the NBA Finals, and playing on Facebook. See what I mean?

Things at Victory Home (the 6-month, Christ-centered, addiction recovery and Bible-training ministry I work for) are going well. God has been doing some pretty amazing stuff. The finances are starting to pick back up, we have a great group of guys, more are wanting to come into the program, our customer base is increasing, we have more leads for networking than ever before, and, above all, the heart of the ministry - God transforming lives - is more evident than ever!

Almost every Sunday men are identifying with the Lord Jesus Christ in believer's baptism! It is something to behold. How awesome it is to witness God's power in the lives of the men He has brought to us. It is truly a privilege. I can't imagine being anywhere else. I don't even think of it as work... as I am sure the rest of the Victory Home family would agree. Don't get me wrong. Somedays are harder than others. At certain times, the ministry is emotionally, physically and spiritually taxing and you just want to go home. All the while, however, I know it is worth it!

You know the common adage "there is a first time for everything?" Well, I had a "first time" today, and I can't say I want there to be another time. Nancy, (my good friend, sister-in-Christ, and co-worker) and her husband, are out of town for a few days visiting her mother who had emergency surgery. I have been stopping by their home and caring for their cats: Spooky, Tippy, and Miss Kitty. Nothing out of the ordinary... just feeding, watering and letting them in and out. Well, this afternoon I needed to stop by and let the two younger cars, Tippy and Spooky, in the house for the night. Before I have reached the stairs I hear a gasp, scream, gasp. "Mommy," Collin yells, "one of the cats threw up on the floor... and UGH, YUCK, there is a dead mouse right in the middle of it!" Oh, that cat. Miss Kitty is the culprit. Tippy and Spooky, if you will remember, were outside all day.

Ok. I have had an iron stomach for most of my life. No joking. I could handle kid's vomit - not just my Collin's. I could handle changing dirty diapers without a grimace. Cleaning up after pets. But for some reason, over the last few months or so, my stomach has been betraying me. I tried, let me tell ya, I tried to bring myself to clean up this mess! I grabbed a number of paper towels. I fetched a grocery bag from under the kitchen sink. I stood over the pile. "I can do this," I assured myself. I went to the couch. Sat down. Thought about calling for help. Jeremy will do (he is the men's supervisor at Victory Home... Nancy's house is right down the street). I was so distracted I called the wrong number. I called the right number, and then hung up at the first ring. "Melissa," I said, "this is ridiculous. You need to just go in there and clean up the puke with the dead mouse in it!" All this time Collin is pacing the house, and going up and down the stairs. "What are you going to do?" He asks. But everything he says is muffled... my mind is on the task at hand.

Finally, I call Jeremy and level with him. There are many things I CAN do, but this AIN'T one of 'em. I tell him I just can imagine feeling the body of this mouse drenched in cat vomit through the wad of paper towels, through the grocery bag. As we are "handling" (couldn't resist) the situation, there on a comfy chairs sits Miss Kitty. Could she be anymore removed from the commotion?

THANK GOD for good friends. Good ol' Jeremy shows up with Paul (one of our internship guys), and the deed is done! Yeah!

Tomorrow, I must return to the scene of the crime. There better be no copycats!

The one about friends, food and fireworks

2008-06-08T00:00:00.011-04:00

What a wonderful Saturday! I have found that I stay home a lot more on my day off than I used to. There is something to be said for the comfort of home, and not just after a long day at work. I found myself thanking God this morning for the simple things of home - my bed, our sofa, house plants, central AC... that works (we had to have the unit serviced this week). Also, where Collin and I used to kind-of do our own things on Saturday mornings on separate floors of the house, we now watch some of his favorite Saturday morning shows together. It's simple, but it gives us a chance to laugh, relax and bond before we shed our pjs for the day.

I usually get more done around the house, but not today. I only dusted and washed clothes. Collin has now taken on the extra chore of vacumming at his request. It's funny... you'd think I would readily give it up, but things like this are hard for me. Those who know me will nod in agreement. So, please pray for me. LOL. God has blessed me with such an extraordinary son. Collin has adopted my dad's desire to serve, and I couldn't be more grateful!

We were invited over to the Ellis' home, and had a great time, as usual. Melanie is such an excellent hostess! She always feeds you yummy food, and you always feel at
home. I am torn between feeling sad and feeling happy that there wasn't any chicken dip! It is my absolute favorite... but whenever they have it I end up feeling a little yucky from eating too much. I am sure it could subsitute for a good friend. It is that good!

We played the Bible edition of Outburst. Collin, Mel and I were on one team. Pastor and Beth paired up against us. No matter that Pastor is the pastor; we left him and Beth in the dust!!! LOL. Not really, though we did win. Then, Collin and Beth played Pick-Up-Sticks. It was fun!

After supper and gametime, all of us walked to the waterfront to watch the Harborfest fireworks. Harborfest is one of many maritime celebrations in Hampton Roads. There is always a Parade of Sail featuring many beautiful vessels and delicious food. However, if, like us, you don't enjoy being up close and personal with the things of this world (e.g., half-dressed women, loud secular music, and alcoholic beverages), it's better to watch the highlights on the news. Of course, this doesn't mean we can't bring some beach chairs and enjoy the fireworks on the other side of the water with friends!

Boy, it was a scorcher today... over 100 degrees. This evening wasn't much cooler, as each of us were drenched it sweat upon return to the Ellis home. All of us got a few good chuckles out of Collin's insistence on carrying all 5 chairs himself when we started out... all the while assuring us that he was more than capable of handling it! Well, as you can see from this picture, Collin was three chairs lighter on the walk back! Lesson learned, you think? Quite so.

Here are some fireworks pics that Collin and I took. Beth took some great pics, also! Hopefully, she'll post 'em.

Thanks to Pastor, Mel (that's her smiling face below) and Beth for having us over! We missed the rest of you... you know who you are. :) Oh well, maybe next time... on July 4th?!

The one about the privilege of little friends

2008-06-04T00:43:00.001-04:00

They grow up so fast... no explanation needed for my fellow moms (lol, then cry a few tears). I remember when I first came to Geneva Park Baptist Church ten years ago, Collin was the youngest. Now, he is the oldest. I think I need a tissue... sniffle, sniffle.

Dylan and Jaden came over for a visit this evening so their mom and dad could get a little break! Yeah! All parents need a break every once in a while, even when you have well-behaved, content kids like Collin, Dylan and Jaden.

We kicked around the soccer ball and ran after bubbles. Jaden and I played with the foam dart guns, Collin and Dylan did A LOT of sword fighting (duh?!), and each one of us ended up pretty sweaty! And you know what the cool thing is? Kids remember these days more than most others. They are what childhood memories are made of! We had a blast in the backyard... and after a while so did the mosquitos, so we rolled back in the house a little after 9pm.

Psalm 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.

I consider it a privilege to be entrusted with the care of another person's child, as I hope others would feel about caring for my son. If Collin is special to me, shouldn't he special be to everyone else? HAH! Parent = Partial. Enough said.

Ok. I am being serious now. I know not everyone feels this way. Sometimes it becomes really obvious when a nursery or children's church worker is needed... if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong. I have struggled with the "privilege" perspective before, too. But I am thankful that the Lord has opened my eyes to see service as a gift... not necessarily from me to others, but from God to me! Isn't belonging to the Creator of Heaven and Earth an awesome thing?

Thanks, Cyndi, for letting Collin and I borrow your little ones for a few hours. They were great!

Thanks to Cyndi and Beth for your encouraging comments on my first blog! You gals totally rock!

The one about starting something new...

2008-06-03T00:32:00.001-04:00

Yeah I trust in You
I remember times You led me
This time it's bigger now
And I'm afraid You'll let me down

What is this doubt in me
Convincing me to fear the unknown
When all along You've shown
Your plans are better than my own

But how can I be certain?
Will You prove Yourself again?

'Cause I'm about to let go
And live what I believe
I can't do a thing now
But trust that You'll catch me
When I let go
When I let go

And I know I won't make it
If I do this all alone

Ok, ok. First entry, and I have to start with the lyrics of a song by BarlowGirl. The words exactly express the feelings of my heart over the last several months as I have had to let go of the reigns of my life, letting God take over. We must learn this throughout our Christian lives, I know. But the wrestling seems to get more intense as the deepest parts of us are unveiled. There will be more on this subject, as it relates to these lyrics, but for now...

The music for the song is quite driven, really upbeat - which is fitting for the speed at which things have changed for me. Sometimes the events God brings into our lives seems to go along like a ballad - a slow, sometimes heart-wrenching fashion. Other times, it's like a specific period of God breaking us and molding our lives is abruptly, amazingly complete. It feels like a rush... of emotion, of events, of elation. That's where I am, and I am grateful!

So much history begs to be told, but I could never fit it all in, and probably shouldn't. Suffice to say, I have been a single mom for 8.5 of the 9.5 years my son, Collin, has been alive. His father has been absent for the 8.5. I prayed God would remove him from Collin's life, because I got saved when Collin was 9-months old, and his father, well, didn't. And never has. So, being unmarried at the time, I gave my life to the Lord and did the right thing... I moved on with my life, and he moved on with his. What an answer to prayer!

You know, we had not been in contact with one another for over 6 years, until recently. Yet for reasons known to me, the Lord, and those closest to me, Collin and I needed closure. So, due to circumstances only God could orchestrate, on May 30, 2008, a judge passed an order effectively making me Collin's only legal parent. For a mom who needs to make decisions regarding the care/custody of her child in the event something should happen to her, this is a BIG deal! The issue has been a concern of mine for almost ten years, and God has taken care of it in the blink of an eye! Even now, I am overwhelmed by the fact that God did this BECAUSE HE LOVES US, and knows what is best for Collin... much more than I do. It's been an awesome experience seeing God in control of the whole situation!

I know... what a heavy-hitter for a first blog! Well, let me tell ya - this is life as I know it. This is how God works in my life, and in the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ. He quiets us with His love when He relieves the burdens in our lives. It is nothing to be quiet about... hmmm, more BarlowGirl lyrics are coming to mind, "how can we be silent?"

If one's life is only a happy-go-lucky, sugar-coated reality of hell, prosperity mumbo-jumbo, nothing-ever-goes-wrong, rose-colored glasses, my-God-wouldn't-do-that kind of Christianity there is a big problem (hint: God ain't the problem).

God sends the storms, He purposes the pain, and He redeems from wretchedness those who are His children. I am thankful for all God has had to do in me and to me, because I know he is making me into something I could never be otherwise. And if I don't share it... I am not giving Him the glory that is His alone.

Whew! Done! The first one and it's only 3:00 a.m. YIKES!

Well, take note. Now that I have started this blog-thingy (with Bethany's help), I just may have to stick with it, because God is on the move and it's too good to keep to myself.

Test

2008-05-22T13:29:00.001-04:00

This is a test post